Weird Morning
by carob
Summary: March 2011. Christian and Syed wake up together but there is tension in the air.
1. Chapter 1

**First ever fanfiction. Please read and review- would be very grateful. Hope you enjoy!**

"Oi you're squashing me!" Syed tried to sound indignant as he rolled away from the weight that had been spread across his chest. "Eh? Oh sorry" replied the muffled voice and a hand moved to sleepily pat his shoulder. Syed sat up and looked at the body beside him. Christian had now rolled over and was face down in his pillow, arms crossed above his head. He was making sleepy snuffling noises and sighing every now and again. Syed found himself staring and smiling as he put his mouth on his partner's head and breathed "morning sleepy" into his hair. The reply he got was delayed for a few seconds and then the mattress started to shift as Christian finally turned over. "Hey you" he mumbled and stifled a yawn whilst he scratched his chin. Christian blinked in the morning light coming through the window and Syed's thoughts turned to how beautiful his lover looked as the sun's rays picked up the highlights in Christian's ruffled hair.

"It's still early. How about I make you some coffee?" he said as he began to extricate himself from the duvet they were sharing. He was stopped in his tracks by a strong arm which gently, but firmly, caught him just below his rib cage. He looked down questioningly and waited for Christian's response. "I don't want you to go" Christian managed as he looked up and held Syed's gaze.

"I'm only going to the kitchen! About 10 feet away if that. What's wrong? Aww, will you miss me _that_ much?"

"Doesn't matter" was the whispered response and Christian began to turn away and bring the duvet back up to his chin. "Coffee would be great thanks."

"Christi..."

"I'm sleepy. Would you mind leaving it at the side of the bed? I prefer drinking it luke warm anyway," Christian interrupted.

"But..." No response. "Um ok, night then. Won't be long." Syed's voice was strained due to the pretence of normality and the struggle not to sound tetchy. He finally made it out of the bed and started to make his way across the floor towards the kitchen. He tried to be quiet as he slowly turned the tap on and filled the kettle. He looked in the fridge for any tempting breakfast items but settled on simply taking out the milk carton and giving it a cautious sniff. Filling up the coffee mugs and adding a sweetener to his own cup, he finally looked over towards the bed. As soon as he did, an eye, watching him from afar, quickly closed and then Christian turned over from his side onto his back, arms crossed protectively against his rising and falling chest.

Syed hesitated and swallowed a lump which had begun to form in his throat. He hated this feeling of not knowing how to react. Was he supposed to pretend to be ignorant to the tension now palpable in the room? Or was he meant to respond? Every instinct told him that the second option was more likely.

Only he wasn't sure how to even begin.

Decision finally made, Syed made it across to the side of the bed in a few steps, carefully balancing the mugs. He placed Christian's cup on the shelf and stood leaning his shins against the lower part of the bed. He rocked back and forth occasionally, taking sips from his drink, as he waited patiently for a reaction.

Eventually, clearing his throat, he said evenly "your coffee is probably luke warm by now."

"Christian?"

"Ta," came the muted reply.

"Still sleepy, or are you ok to talk for a bit?" Syed's voice had now begun to sound desperate and, worse, he knew it. He couldn't let things go with Christian, not anymore. All those long months he had felt forced to pretend everything was normal, to pretend that he was alright, to betray his body's natural reaction when in the same space as this, now, closed off man in their bed. No, he just couldn't go back there. Syed waited again for a response before looking down into his half drunk coffee and placing it beside the other untouched cup. He shakily stretched out his right hand and touched Christian on the shoulder. He could feel the flesh under his touch tense slightly but he found himself unexpectedly grateful that there was no attempt to shake him off or move away. Emboldened, he strengthened his contact and added an almost indiscernible squeeze.

"Christian?"

"Muslim?" The reply was instant. Mocking. Humourless.

Syed froze before quickly snatching his hand back, rubbing it several times protectively as though physically injured in some way. Although it felt as though time had momentarily stood still, it realistically must have been only a matter of a few seconds, because he had only just turned away from the bed when a pair of arms crept around his waist and pulled him back.

"Sorry," Christian mumbled into the back of Syed's neck. "Sorry, I'm sorry Sy."

"I should grab a shower. Got a busy day at SYTAN and I promised Tanya I would do a stock inventory before the weekend." Syed had somehow managed to keep his voice level but he knew he had to get out the room before he crumpled. He started to move but the arms around his waist tightened their grip and he felt paralysed by them.

"Sy, I really am sorry. I was just joking when I said that, stupid I know."

The voice had now moved from its position behind Syed's neck to his left ear and as the familiar, ticklish sensation hit Syed he breathed in haltingly.

"Please don't go Sy."

Those words again. Syed turned around slowly, placed his hands cautiously on Christian's forearms and looked down, before dropping his arms to his sides. He felt his eyes sting and he willed the unshed tears away.

"What do you want me to say?" he then whispered.

"I dunno... maybe nothing. Syed, that was stupid of me but we used to be able to laugh didn't we? Remember? You said that you couldn't believe that _that _had been the basis of our first conversation and that we were actually together."

"Christian, that was before, when we were both laughing at the past. Not making digs at each other." He took a deep breath. "Look, why don't you drink your coffee and I'll go and get ready for work." Syed raised his eyes and stared into Christian's not sure what he would find. He was surprised to be met by an unexpectedly gentle and unwavering gaze which set him off guard.

"Stay." It wasn't a plea, more of a matter of fact statement and it was one that Syed felt powerless to oppose.

"What did you mean earlier when you said that you didn't want me to go? Earlier, when we woke up," Syed asked, his voice regaining strength.

Christian sighed and looked away, suddenly finding the nearest wall a point of great interest. "Nothing really. I don't always make sense first thing in the morning, you know that better than anyone."

"The way you said it made me think that it meant _something_. I thought that things were ok. I thought that ..."

Christian looked into Syed's eyes and sighed. "You thought right Sy. Things are ok, better than ok. I just wanted you to stay and snuggle in bed that's all."

"Really?" Syed didn't sound convinced and became even less so when he caught Christian's gaze wavering. He always did that when he lied. That was when he could never look him straight in the eyes for too long.

"Come on. How about that shower?" Christian began to get up, stretched, and grabbed hold of Syed's hands, intertwining their fingers.

"Hmmm. We can talk later though right? I want to know what's going on inside that head of yours Christian. Things have felt, I don't know, a bit _weird_ for the past few days."

"Well I _am_ weird." Christian led Syed away from the edge of the bed and pulled him towards the bathroom. " There's nowt as queer as folk you know."

**Thank you for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much for the kind reviews – really happily surprised that people have enjoyed my first foray into writing! Here comes the finale...**

The next morning.

"I know, will do, thanks Tanya. Hopefully it's just a twenty four hour thing. Will call first thing tomorrow if he's still the same. See you." Syed hung up the phone and looked across towards the bed from the sofa with a serious expression.

"Tanya says she hopes you feel better soon."

"Right. So what's meant to be wrong with me exactly?" Christian said accusingly, sitting up in bed. "Am I suddenly green about the gills or something? Cos I feel fine and I look pretty normal - the last time I checked that is."

Syed got up from the couch and replaced the handset on top of the bookcase. He did not give Christian eye contact as he walked back towards the kitchen, wiping a stray crumb from the dining table as he passed. He started to fill the basin with warm soapy water and rummaged around in the cupboard underneath the worktop for a new sponge. Looking around the kitchen for something vaguely grimy to start scrubbing and finding nothing obvious, he decided to tackle the top of the fridge freezer.

"Soooo..." launched Christian getting out of bed and giving his hair a vigorous, two handed, tousle. "How long is the silent treatment going to last? Been, hmm, bout twelve hours so far and counting."

He walked straight over into the kitchen, bustled past Syed who conspicuously moved out of his way, and grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl. Settling himself onto a chair around the table, he leaned back, taking a big bite, and watched his boyfriend intently as he continued to find housework to do.

A few minutes later, Christian took no longer stand the uneasy silence. Usually, they could cohabit in comfortable stillness. In fact that was one of the greatest reasons he loved coming home to Syed. One of the many aspects of their relationship that Christian had been pleasantly surprised by. Never before, had he been with someone who he did not feel the need to bombard with endless jokes and pointless conversation fillers.

"Sy. I think we can now declare that the kitchen could pass a royal health and safety examination with distinction." So much for not needing stupid jokes, Christian inwardly groaned to himself. Start again. "Sy, please put away the marigolds and come and sit down."

Nothing.

"SYED!" Christian banged his fists down on the table. "For God's sake, come and sit down. I don't get you at the moment."

Wincing from the harshness in tone, Syed finally dried his hands on a towel and glanced up towards the direction of the table. The sight of his wide brown eyes, now full of sadness, caused a sharp intake of breath from his partner as well as a gentler manner. "Come here."

Syed made his way towards the table, giving Christian continuous but cautious eye contact. As he pulled a chair out, he felt an arm grab his wrist and still him. His head immediately dropped and there was a split second silence before he heard the whispered plea. "Sy, please. Just say it."

He still couldn't bring himself to look up. His hands began to shake as tears threatened to betray his composed stance. He took a deep breath in.

"You can whisper it if you want."

Syed bit into his top lip as he lost the battle. Tears spilled down his cheeks in great, hot dollops, dripping onto his forearms that were still tightly grasping the top of the chair. He shuddered as he felt strong, muscular arms grab him around his waist and pull him down onto a sturdy, warm lap. His hands automatically moved to cover his eyes as he made gallant attempts to control his rapid breathing and muffle his sobs. Long, solid strokes along his back, up and down, up and down, continued at an even rhythmic pace as his breathing almost returned to normal.

" My baby. My lovely Sy." Softly spoken words tickled the hairs on the back of Syed's neck. "You're okay, I've got you, you're okay."

Shifting slightly on Christian's lap, Syed allowed himself to lean back and find support against a solid wall of chest. They sat there, in silence, as noises from the market stalls being set up made their way through the windows. Then there was a woody creak as Christian pushed the weight off him, and still holding onto Syed's waist, stood up. "Come on."

Syed was led over to the couch and gently pushed down. Legs touching, side by side, the two men waited for the other to speak. From afar, it would have looked to an outsider as if they were on a first date. Each looking around, avoiding excessive eye contact, awkwardly debating whether or not to start a conversation. Christian was the first to make a move. Taking Syed's hands, lifting them up and studying them before placing them back down carefully onto their owner's knees, he admitted, "I don't understand. Things were so good a few days ago. So clear. Why has everything gone all foggy?"

Syed caught Christian's gaze and waited for him to continue. When it became clear that he was expected to make a response he bit his lip and hoped that his voice would have a courageous resonance. "What about yesterday and the day before?" Christian frowned and looked at him, confused. "Yesterday morning you were distant and strange. I kept asking you what the matter was and you could hardly look at me."

The confusion on Christian's face disappeared briefly although the frown lines remained. Syed decided to carry on. "Things were fine, or at least I thought they were, but then it all changed. I felt that I didn't know you and that scared me more than I knew it could. _You_ shut me out. The only time you seemed to let me in was when you were asleep and you didn't even know it."

"Sy, I wasn't..."

"Let me say this. You have been distant Christian even if you can't admit it. I have enough people in my life, or at least who were in my life, shutting me out." Syed looked away and held his breath as he waited for a reaction. There was silence and once again noise from the outside world filtered into the room.

"Okay." Christian paused. "At least it's out there I guess."

"What is?"

"What you said. At least there are words now." Christian appeared to struggle with his chosen phrase as Syed raised his eyebrows and made a huffing noise. "I'm sorry if I came across like that. It wasn't deliberate believe me. It's just that..."

"That?"

Christian got up from the sofa and wrung his hands together while staring at a spot on the rug. Syed felt as though time had stood still as he waited for a crash, a revelation. His heart already preparing itself to be shattered into shards of useless tissue.

"You say that you're scared yeah?" Syed scarcely nodded. "_You're_ scared," Christian chuckled quietly before continuing. "What if I were to say that I'm _terrified_?"

Christian saw his boyfriend wilt in front of him and he couldn't stomach it. He quickly resumed his place beside Syed, trying to give him wordless comfort as he moved his legs up against the other man's. Swallowing hard, he continued. "Sy, I've been so afraid I felt that I couldn't breathe. The past few days have been so strange. Not since before..."

Christian suddenly worried that he's gone too far and said too much. What was the point of dredging up the past anyway?

"Before when?" Syed whispered.

"Before." If he felt that he had provided an adequate explanation, Christian was soon to realise that he was mistaken as he felt Syed's stare burn into his face. Sighing deeply he continued, "Before we got back together. I haven't felt so scared since before then okay?"

Syed blinked rapidly at him but remained silent. Time to just say it all. "Thing is you see, you have this new life and I am glad you're happy, really I am, but you don't need me anymore."

"WHAT?" It came out louder than Syed expected. Louder than he had meant.

Christian winced and looked at him tentatively. Syed quickly lowered his voice. "What do you mean I don't need you? Or that I've got a new life for that matter? I've got exactly the same life as I had a week ago."

"SYTAN and everything." Christian replied as Syed's face wrinkled with confusion. "It's taking off and you're making a go of it. I'm dead proud of you, it's just that it feels different now. Us. We're different now."

Syed was about to respond when he noticed Christian's eyes glistening. Grasping his lover's hands in his own he gently rubbed Christian's nails. "Christian, I don't know what to..."

"You don't need to say anything. I'm just being stupid. Not that unusual I know!" Christian's weak attempt at a joke floated down as they both stared at each other.

"You are _not _stupid," Syed said fiercely as he squeezed Christian's hands firmly. "I love you." Christian gazed at him, a tear making a wobbly path down his cheek.

Emboldened, Syed continued. "I love you and I need you more than ever. I think I always will need you in fact because you make me want to succeed." He paused, not trusting his composure. "You make me want to live."

Christian's breath hitched and he choked back a sob. "I want you to succeed. I think I just want you to need something from me."

"I do. I need everything you can give me. And that's so much by the way. Is this what it has all been about?" Syed paused before soldiering on.

" Over the last few months, you have given me a life. A whole life. I was so used to the half existence I was living, I forgot what it was like to wake up happy, to want to wake up. Christian, I want to wake up every day because _you_ are here. Right here beside me. Come here."

Christian leant into Syed's embrace and held on tight. He moved his head so that it was nestled into Syed's neck and breathed in deeply. "I'm sorry," he murmured. "No need but me too," came the muffled reply as arms tightened their grasp around his waist.

Several minutes later, the two men relaxed their grips around each other and shared a shy glance. "What now?" Christian asked. "Well I guess I could go into work..." Syed responded before breaking into a stunning smile. His smile was returned along with a soft, lingering kiss. "Or..."

"Or we could go back to bed? That's where sick people are meant to be after all and you do have a twenty four hour thing remember."

Christian raised his eyebrows and, lip twitching, said wickedly "you've got _that _right. Come on you."

**I hope that I have done justice to the characters. Thanks again for reading and please leave me a review if you can.**


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